Saturday, 31 July 2010

It was if our house was grieving

This is my 50th post. Most people seem to give something away for their blog Birthday's but I am not sure I have anything worth giving away, or that anyone would participate! Haha.

For a cheery person I have a somewhat inexplicable addiction to melancholia. Melancholy music, books, movies, artworks, days. I very recently finished a book called Linger by Maggie Stiefvater which is the sequel to a book called Shiver (yes I enjoy going back and reading young adult books every now and then). Due to Twilight these books are probably getting a bit of a bad reputation but don't be fooled, these books are lovely. My favourite mix of animals, (a requirement for just about everything in my life), excellent characters and a decided touch of melancholy. The kind of books that you can loose yourself in wishing that you were both main characters, just wishing that you had their life because it is so appealing to you for some reason. I have found that the perfect soundtrack to these books (and a soundtrack I can't stop listening to for weeks after) would probably be Josh Pyke, Frightened Rabbit, Sigur Ros, Sea Wolf, Her Space Holiday and to a lesser extent Angus and Julia Stone. But especially Josh Pyke. I go through phases with this artist. Every now and then I forget he exists and then I hear a line of beautiful melancholy lyrics and I am addicted again.

These are the kind of books that I find inspiring. They make me want to create artworks and write stories and write poetry and go bush walking. They make me want to move to America, to a small town in a area where nature outgrows the human presence. I don't even really like America but I love their Wildlife. I would like to go just to see the scenery and vastness. I wouldn't even mind if I never saw a single human being. I think a book that inspires you to do anything is a successful book.

The lingering memory of the books, the continual hum of the music and the warmth of the sun flowing in the window makes me want to go for a walk in the park, probably over to the mangove boardwalks in the area. Unfortunately I have a really terrible cold. The kind where you take a couple of steps and almost pass out and can't eat or breathe. I had to call in sick to work today and they hung up on me... It's nice to know they care.

I might go for a walk anyway, at a nice leisurely pace perhaps. Maybe with dogs. I wish my cat would go for proper walks with me.

Today we had an open house. There were strangers in my house insensitively thinking of making my home their own. I have a lot of trouble with letting things go. Not the physical act of it, and I am very capable of recognising when things need to be let go. I have a problem with the emotional side of things. I have to work at convincing myself that I don't like whatever I am letting go. This is easier with inanimate objects that it is with people, and that's probably exactly the way it should be. Convincing myself that my house isn't mine anymore and I don't love it anymore is kind of like constructing a screen around my thoughts and feelings. One that is made out of lace. It works for the most part but every now and then you catch a glimpse through a tiny gap in the fabric, and it all comes rushing back in.

Convincing myself that I don't like a person is more like constructing a screen out of very very fine tissue paper and trying very hard to not put my foot through it and destroy the whole thing.

And finally a collagraph print of mine, created by covering cardboard in lace and shellac and printing them.


book trailer by Maggie, all hand cut individual shots...

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

If enough is never enough, then come with us

I am sitting in the uni library mildly bored and contemplating all the things I would really like right now. It's a bit indulgent to blog about them perhaps but hey I am bored, as I said, and as I have been awake since 6 and at uni since 7.30 I need to keep myself awake in my 4 hour break!!

In no particular oder:

I want sleep. At least 10 hours
I want my cat
I want to not be sick
I want my MP3 player that I left at home
I want an MP3 player with more than 100MB capacity
I want to go home
I want a horse
I want a pot of chai tea from 3 Monkeys Cafe
I want a slice of some kind of gluten free almond and *insert some kind of fruit or nut* cake
I want to stay in my house and not have to pack up all my stuff
I want to decorate my new art shed
I want to set up a screen printing station in my shed
I want to make some amazing printed clothing
I want a farm or ranch with chickens, a goat, a cow, a minature pony, an alpacca and a horse as mentioned already
I want to own a bookstore
I want a fully stocked vegetable garden
I want a woodfire oven
I want an amazing country style kitchen with dried herbs
I want to make a cake
I want someone to come home
I want to study anthropology and archaeology
I want to do a course in American History
I want to learn an instrument - piano, cello, violin
I want to be fluent in French
I want to go overseas
I want my Harry Potter party to be now
I want the perfect pair of boots for overseas
I want a collie
I want to see the new Harry Potter movie
I want to find pink pre-pleated chiffon for my Luna Lovegood costume
I want to re-read The Butterfly Lion
I want to build the Weasley's house and live in it
I want to learn how to make silver jewellery
I want to do a course in leather work
I want to get dressed up and make cupcakes and scones and tea and have a picnic in the park
I want to see She & Him live
I want a digital SLR
I want to play with my new mini Diana Lomography camera

and I think that will do me for now. That killed a little bit of time I think.

I feel I should post some visual incentive/eye candy for you. I have also been killing time by looking up wildlife photography etc. I always always put animals in my artwork. I think this semester it will be foxes...if you hadn't guessed =P

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Spent time making trouble, what's the sum of everything

"You haven't blogged in ages" you say, well here is an epic blog...

It was my birthday on Friday. It was a great day with breakfast out, paid for by my lovely friend, and then to the movies to see Inception (which is quite frankly a masterpiece in film), then to family dinner, and then to town where I actually for once consumed some alcohol (I never drink.) Arrived home at the bright and cheery time of 3.30 am, just in time to get up at 8 for my sister's Birthday. Talk about feeling dead! Haha. My sister mum and I had lunch, which I don't think we have done since my brother was born 3 years ago so that was quite nice. Unfortunately I have a horrendous cold, which I woke up with on the morning of my Birthday and just seems to be getting even more fabulous.

Sunday was spent in Sydney with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins shopping for my sister, and planning overseas possibilities for me before driving back home. I came very near to having a panic attack at one stage on the way there, seems my fears are continuing to get worse.

I didn't get many presents, in lieu of money for my planned trip overseas so it is kind of disappointing to be told that I am probably not going. By disappointing I actually mean completely devestating, but oh well. I am now faced with the rather large decision of whether or not to continue on and go on my own. To be honest I am not sure that I can, but to have wasted a whole year of working, and saving, and hoping and then to be given nothing but money for overseas for my Birthday, it seems like a monumental waste. There isn't really any point in postponing it because everyone I know is already there, has already been or won't be able to afford it any time in the near future. I could postpone it to the middle of the year, but I hate summer, I really loathe it and the idea of 2 summers in a year and a summer overseas where it's hot and you are carrying luggage and it's busy just doesn't do it for me. Also I would only be able to go for about 3 weeks. I am of the perhaps impractical opinion that if you are going to waste 2 days and a lot of money on flying all the way to Europe anything less than a month is probably wasteful.

I could go at the end of next year, but that is so very far away, especially when you were expecting to go in about 3 months time. Also I will have teaching prac until mid December. If I go this year I can at least start in November and have a couple weeks before full winter hits. Ideally I would go in Spring and visit tulip fields and gardens and those kind of things I enjoy. But to do that I would have to defer uni for a course that is already a 4 and a half year course and face the fact that I will no longer be doing my course with anyone I know for the next 2 years.

So I've concluded time is not the issue but whether or not I can face doing a foreign country on my own for about a month. I should give you the heads up that I am an incredible home body. I like being on my own but in practice I've probably been properly alone for all of 3 days this year. I have never travelled out of the state without family. In fact I have only ever gone to Tasmania on a family holiday or to Melbourne to see dad. The furthest I have travelled on my own is a 4 hour train to Tamworth to stay with my best friend for a week or two.

So the idea of going on my own is probably beyond ridiculous. But the idea of NOT going makes me want to cry...or actually cry as the case actually is.


My aunt loves travelling and she went over and worked/backpacked in Europe on her own when she was my age. She has been looking into safe ways that I could do it on my own and well...survive. She is better than a travel agent. But I am still not sure, and I am running out of time...

In other news I have a bunch of outfit shots that I have not posted in my recent running-around-like-a-headless-chicken.

If you are looking for a pair of really solid opaque tights in great popping colours, that are thick and durable and feel really nice, I recommend We Love Colors.

A bit of Birthday fun through tights. I love looking at my legs in these :P

red means red. a bit blurry sorry but that doesn't effect the colour!


Friday, 16 July 2010

The flower said 'I wish I was a tree'

Today was the Birthday of one of my friends. It was a lovely day of breakfast for lunch, cakes in the park, Toy Story 3 (second time for me, and I will probably see it again) and tree climbing.

I finally got to wear one of my new Melbourne dresses! One dress I have been wearing for about a week now but I hadn't had a chance to wear the others yet. I still have one to go but I have to fix a button on it and find the right slip to wear under it. It might also be a strictly summer dress. I haven't decided.

This dress I really wanted to wear with red tights. I do have some on order, but they aren't here yet. I can't wait til I have red tights and it's more summery and I don't have to wear a top under it. I wore a new broach today as well. It's from my favourite shop in Melbourne and is titled 'Flying Fox.' The shop is called Subject to Change and is not my favourite so much because of what is in it, though it does have good things of course, but rather because of the guy who works there. He remembered that I went into his shop one time, even though it was a year between visits and I didn't buy anything the first time. I thought that was impressive and we got chatting. He has similar tastes in music, though it runs more to my parent's bands. I think he would get along splendidly with both mum and dad, same age group and interests. So I like to stop by and visit him every time I am in Melbourne.

It is my own Birthday in exactly one week.

need to get my fringe cut, I am going slightly blind

there's some great pictures on these wall, created by cleaning the walls into a picture

lighting candles in the wind is great fun...

Flying Fox


Sunday, 11 July 2010

They say that things change, My Dear

I know not many people in the world truly enjoy the idea of change but I admit that it is not a thing I enjoy. Some changes can be good but generally I don't handle them that well. I've been hit with a rather big one; we have to move.

I am not exactly a stranger to moving. I was born in Sydney, lived my first few schooling years in Dubbo and have lived in a minimum of 10 houses. Some we stayed in for a little while, others we stayed in for 6 months. Once we even moved next door. This is the first house I have ever lived in for longer than 2 years and that means quite a bit to me. We renovated this house ourselves. Completely. I helped paint the walls and my parents sanded the floors. My stepdad put in the kitchen and our old bathroom which was recently renovated. Our house has been in some level of renovation since we moved into it 8 years ago. The sad thing is we had just finished them all. The house was ours in every way. Perfect, complete.

I am a very big believer in the idea that homes express who you are as a person. It is why I chose to do my recent photography project on that belief. I don't ever feel I know someone properly until I have been to their house.

I am very much a 'homebody' as I have heard some people call it. As I have said before I have had friends threaten to come over and chase me out of the house. I feel safe here. My room has changed subtly as I have, but it still has elements and remnants from the person I was when I first moved here. I admit the reason I never wanted to move out was that I didn't want to leave this room behind. Now it seems I have no choice.

Stupid though it sounds I feel that a lot of me is tied up in this room. I don't think I can properly explain it, except to say that I feel almost like I will lose a definable piece of myself to leave it. Everything about it is mine. This has left me feeling rather uncertain and oddly vague.

My conflict resolution technique of playing music loud enough to drown out any internal thoughts is going to leave me deaf one day. Maybe I should learn to play violent video games instead in moments of breakdown. At least it is Tori Amos this time and not Marilyn Manson. At least I will go deaf to the most beautiful lyrics. Maybe next time I will blog about her.

Forgive my melodramatic ramblings. It has only begun to sink in. The house goes up for sale next month.

Sunday, 4 July 2010

All aboard the Hogwarts Express

Today I actually did something touristy for a change. Dad's girlfriend and her son took us on a steam train ride up into a nature park in the hills of the Dandenong area. The train has been running for 110 years and is one of 5 remaining trains that operate daily up into the hills. It is run entirely by volunteers and train enthusiasts interested in preserving the line.

It was a great ride, horribly cold but I was wearing enough clothing to clothe at least 3 people. 2 pairs of stockings, stocking socks, thermal singlet, slip, thermal top, top, top, woolen cardigan, wool skirt. So I was pretty good, though I was afraid I'd lost my feet to frost bite at one point. And it was raining in the park but as I had an umbrella stowed handily into my bag I was fine. Dad who is English and lives in Melbourne did more whinging that I did!

Everything was rainy and grey and misty, and very beautiful. I imagine it to be even more beautiful in maybe autumn when all the deciduous trees still had their burnished leaves.


Thursday, 1 July 2010

Hello Melbourne, we meet again

Apparently I was optimistic with my claims of tops of 10 degrees haha. When I got here it was 6 degrees! Brrr. 6 is not so bad but it is quite a temperature drop all the same. I've adjusted a bit, I am not a walking ice cube yet.

I'm a bit of an old lady in all things. I go on holidays and go for walks and visit tea shops and sit and knit in parks. I am not a very good tourist haha. I am a good shopper though, I already have a new dress! and shoes, I forgot to bring shoes believe it or not. I know it sounds insane but I forgot to bring my ballet flats so I had to buy new shoes. Heels for a week would have left me a cripple. I wore my thigh high boots down on the plane because they didn't fit in my bag and in changing my plans I forgot to pack them. I need a new suitcase because the one I have is much too small for a week's worth of winter clothing...

Today Rosie and I walked her dogs, which was quite a feat. She has a wolfhound and a kelpie cross. It was great fun watching them charge off into the distance. My dogs are not so energetic, one is small and the other arthritic, but I still love them. When I move out I want to get a rough collie. They are my favourite dog, I am not normally breed specific but I grew up with 2 and have a particular soft spot for them.

I asked Rosie to wait to walk her dogs until I arrived so I could visit this awesome tee pee that she found. It is kind of in the middle of nowhere and unless you stumble directly upon it or know what you are looking for you probably wouldn't find it. It's pretty muddy at the moment so I struggled and danced into a pair of Rosie's skinny jeans, something of a feat and donned some sneakers. I haven't worn sneakers since high school! I felt quite bogan but it was worth it considering I now only have one pair of shoes for the next week.

The tee pee is constructed from large branches, has a carpet wall, bamboo flooring, feathers, candles in jars and messages from people. I would live in it if I could, in fact if I lived closer I think I would take a book and camp out. Until I froze or a stoner came to visit...

Sorry for the photographic overload. It was all very green and pretty =]

Rosie, Bicky and Jinx

Duck theme park. There were quite a few ducks using this as a free ride

Icky Bicky pondering the merits of jumping

tee pee

The rocks have eyes. It looks worried...

all tee pees should have disco balls?

non bogan...sans shoes